Tag Archives: healthy relationships

The Joy of Anger

The title of this post may sound conflicting, but joy can truly emerge out of the ability to express anger (in a safe environment).

While sipping my hot latte and listening to the sounds of rain dance along the pavement this morning, I stared into the face of a dear friend as we talked about anger.

Anger is a beautiful gift that shows us when something has gone wrong or when a boundary has been crossed in our lives. And just as it goes in, it must come out.

Anger is an emotion that everyone can relate to. At some point in our lives (and maybe even today), we have all have been angered by the actions of others, the circumstances of life, or even by God Himself (which is generally a product of misunderstanding Him).

Regardless of the circumstance, this anger can often point us to deeper wounds that exist within us. An immature spirit. An unforgiving heart. A wounded soul. A history of abuse or violence. Or even a misconception of God.

The Word encourages us to be “slow to anger, and not to sin.” Take a close look at this, beloved. God is giving us FULL permission to be angry, yet not to sin. How does one do this? Only through the grace of Jesus Christ (just as it is with all good things). This is a wonderful example of applying God’s truth as quoted in Philippians: “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.”

Anger is healthy. God gets angry at times, and there is nothing in His word that states that anger in itself is sinful. Why? Simply because it’s not. Yet, we as sinful humans can taint this emotion and create a trail of destruction.

“The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” Psalm 145:8

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20

What do you do when your blood pressure is rising, your head is becoming hot, and your tongue is prepared to lash out a few regrettable words in response to another?

You stop and you pray. Go directly to Jesus.

When someone pushes your buttons, aggravating your very flesh – take a step back, run to a closet, and go talk to the Lord. Without Him we will sin.

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11

The more you control today through Christ, the easier it gets later. And this is how we grow into women and men of understanding.

“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” Proverbs 14:29

I want you to ask yourself this question: “Am I an angry person?”

If the answer is yes, my suggestion is for you to do the following three things:

1. Talk to the Lord about your anger. Surrender your feelings and those who have hurt you into His hands.

2. Express your anger safely in a healthy environment. This may include going for a run, taking a boxing class, punching a few pillows, crying, screaming in your car, or even writing a letter explicitly sharing what you feel (and burning it thereafter). You MUST respect the emotion (which God created) and give your heart the freedom it needs to be relieved. Continue to seek the Lord, and healing will come to reside in that place where anger once lived.

3. Lovingly confront the individual who has hurt you (even if you believe it is God Himself). There is incredible power in communication – purging what’s in the dark and bringing it into light.

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil”. Ephesians 4:26-27

Rule your anger through the grace of Jesus Christ (by meditating and applying God’s Word in prayer), and use this emotion to your advantage as a tool of refinement rather than allowing it to bring you to sin.

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Proverbs 16:32

Will you surrender your issues of anger to the Lord Jesus Christ and allow Him to set you free?

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6 Steps to Successfully Move From the Past to the Present – Part II

If you’re just joining us today, you can catch up on this week’s series by reading our last two posts: 6 Steps to Successfully Move from Your Past to Your Present and Saying Farewell to Past Relationships.

My prayer is that your heart will be encouraged and that you will challenged to shift your current perspective and receive inner healing from past relationships by taking these principles back to the cross and seeking His help for your life. To God be the glory!

“Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24 ESV

Today, we’ll cover the next two steps (of the six in total). Let’s dive in:

Step #2 – In any relationship, intimate bonds are inevitably created between two people. When the relationship is dissolved, these bonds must also be dissolved.

Failing to recognize the power of intimacy created in a relationship is easy. But if a relationship is dissolved while these bonds are allowed to to remain in place, co-dependency will emerge in the form of a desire for intimacy that will still exist within the two parties involved. These bonds (which can be emotional, mental, physical, and/or spiritual) will need to be completely severed through the power and authority of Jesus ChristWhile this may appear radical as our culture treats relationships more and more flippantly, you must sever these bondin order to effectively move on from your past to your present, beloved.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:1-2 ESV

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8 ESV

Please also keep this in mind as you are praying: if there were any expressions of sexual intimacy in a past dating relationship (beyond hugging and kissing for moments at a time), then you may want to ask God to cleanse you from them and to restore purity. Sexual intimacy instantly creates powerful bonds that are part of God’s design in a marriage covenant, in which husband and wife are made to be one flesh. Outside of marriage, sexual intimacy expedites emotional bonding that is outside of His plan for a dating relationship.

“Thus says the Lord: ‘The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you’.” Jeremiah 31:2-3 ESV

Step #3 – When someone dies, we have a funeral. So, when a relationship dies, we should also have a funeral

This is not merely metaphorical: I received the exhortation to let go of my past by literally holding a relationship funeral service years ago while in Christian therapy. The relationship had already died; with Christ, I needed to bury it in the grave so that I could move on and enjoy life. 

For many of you (like me), having to confront a past relationship so dramatically may be incredibly difficult, but the pain is temporary. Perhaps you have experienced a tragic divorce, the loss of a loved one, or a broken engagement. Now all that you are left with are feelings of desolation and a broken heart, which are severely crippling your ability to move forward in life. Holding a literal relationship funeral can provide great healing in situations where relationships had a painful outcome. (At the same time, this may not be completely applicable to those who lost a spouse but had a wonderful life with them, where maintaining memories is a good thing). In any case, remember that Jesus is faithful and He will ALWAYS heal you as you turn to Him.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10 ESV

“For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.” Malachi 3:6 ESV

If you need to permanently bid farewell to a past relationship and move forward with truly living and embracing the life that God has for you, then I  encourage you to read tomorrow’s post. We’ll discuss the specific steps of how to say goodbye to crippling memories of “what could have been” through a relationship funeral with Christ. Beloved, I can personally testify to the extreme freedom and healing that I experienced by including Jesus in this process. My prayer is that you will also experience deliverance to move forward. To God be the glory!

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6 Steps to Successfully Move from Your Past to Your Present

If you’re just joining us today, you’ll want to catch up on this week’s topic by reading yesterday’s post Saying Farewell to Past Relationships.

All of us have experienced some form of hurt and rejection in this life. But praise be to God that He restores, revives, and reforms us as our Healing Father. Our old thought patterns, perspectives, and wounded hearts can be made new through His redemptive power and love.

Nevertheless, many of us hang onto old memories and old wounds caused by harmful (or simply dissolved) relationships. My hope is that this week’s series of posts will help you to prayerfully (and successfully) move from your past to your present. May God alone receive the glory. 

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 ESV

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

Before diving into the six principles that we’ll discuss today, I would like to ask you the following question: How often do you struggle with thoughts about a particular person from your past? Is it a few to several times per day? Do you dream about them? Do you hate them and simmer in bitterness towards them? Do you wish bad things would happen to them? Do you regret the past and wish you were never with them? Or do you lust after them, wishing to live out sexual fantasies? And lastly, do you perhaps fantasize about being with this person once again?

If you experience any of what I have listed above, you may benefit by laying your past with this person down at the foot of the cross and welcoming Jesus in to heal your wounded heart.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 ESV

If you are in this situation, here is how I am praying for you today:

“Lord Jesus, I come to You in Your name and ask that You will give every single reader the grace to understand their past and the courage to move forward from their past through the power of the Holy Spirit. Lord, I pray for divine revelation and insight to touch every single reader today, and that You would search their hearts and bring to mind situations that are in need of Your healing touch. I pray for humility for every heart so that they can receive what You reveal through this post and through their own time with you. May they receive the desire to better themselves in order to draw themselves closer to You. May You and You alone receive the glory, our sweet and glorious King, because You are worthy. May Your will be done in each of these lives today. I may not see them, but You do. Thank You Jesus. We love you! Amen.”

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.” James 5:13 ESV

Let’s get started today with our first of six points:

1. First, you have to start with forgiveness (through the power of the Holy Spirit) before you can effectively move from your past to your present. Cultivating healing in any relationship that ends sourly or was never really in God’s plan to begin with inevitably needs to start with forgiveness.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Here are a few areas of forgiveness to consider:

A. Ask forgiveness from God for any sin that has been produced in your own heart (which grieves Him) as a result of any failed relationship. These sins may include malice, bitterness, remorse, or unresolved anger towards the individual to whom you were in relationship with; apathy and contempt towards others or even new relationships due to unresolved hurt from this relationship; and complaint, pessimism, low self-esteem, and low self-worth that have been produced as a byproduct of this failed relationship.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 ESV

You are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and you are extremely valuable. But you must get rid of this junk to receive His true goodness. Empty the trash with His help today, beloved. No one deserves to have this type of power over you except God Himself. 

B. Forgive the other person with whom you were in the relationship. Not only is this scriptural, but it is also your gateway to freedom. For everything that this person has done to you, you must forgive them and let it go. Meditating on what didn’t go right and how they wronged you produces nothing good and nothing of eternal significance. The only thing you must do is to choose to obey His commands by forgiving those who harm you because Christ Himself has forgiven you. They might not deserve it in your eyes, but neither do you deserve the forgiveness that Christ continues to give you.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 ESV

C. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made during the relationship. Some of you may have pursued what you wanted without including God from the beginning of the relationship. You need to forgive yourself for being more about your own agenda than God’s will. Some of you included God, but closed your eyes to red flags because the relationship was filling a void that really needed healing from Christ (rather than dependency on mankind). Or maybe in your situation, you remained alert and sought the Lord’s will, but it just ended tragically because the other person decided to call it quits. No matter what mistakes you did make (since we’re not perfect), forgive yourself and move on, beloved.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 ESV

Join us tomorrow as we continue this series: Six Ways to Successfully Move from Your Past to Your Present. You won’t want to miss it! Thank you for choosing His Daily Dose!

Are you currently a subscriber? We would love to have you as a loyal reader! Just click HERE to subscribe and begin receiving daily, encouraging posts sent straight to your inbox each morning. Thank you!

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