“This desire for heart purity is a creation of the Holy Spirit at work in the heart.” ~ Duncan Campbell
In the past, I’ve heard others brag that they still had their “V-card”, meaning that they were technically still virgins, even though they had unreservedly explored sexual activities outside of intercourse. Because they weren’t having intercourse, in their minds they were in the clear.
But is this actually true?
Today may you be challenged to raise your own personal standards to the heights of our glorious and holy King Jesus. To God be the glory!
Is there really a difference between virginity and sexual purity?
Many people view purity and virginity as synonymous terms, using them interchangeably to convey the same point. But in truth they are not the same. For example, consider the following: Can an individual remain a virgin (by refraining from intercourse), but tarnish their sexual purity through other immodest behaviors in their lives (such as pornography or achieving orgasm outside of intercourse)?
Really think about this for a moment.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” Romans 12:1 ESV
What is sexual purity exactly? And what is virginity?
According to Websters, purity is defined as the lack of dirty or harmful substance; and a lack of guilt or evil thoughts. Virginity is defined as the state of never having had sexual intercourse.
While virginity is deeply connected to the physical act, purity is much more of a mind-set and belief system. As a Christian, we must be aware that our body belongs to God, and it is to be used for His glory. It’s a lie to believe that we can do with our bodies whatever we deem permissible in our own eyes. This is leaning on the understanding of man, and it can get us into a lot of trouble. There are, in fact, safe practices and danger zones in the context of a dating relationship.
“All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify.” 1 Corinthians 10:23 NASB
“Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” Proverbs 28:26 ESV
“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” Psalm 118:8
Allow me to be candid through the tender love of Christ.
First of all, we all know what can happen when a man and a woman share a bed. So sleeping (whether overnight or as part of an afternoon nap) in the same bed with the opposite sex (especially while in a dating relationship) is dangerous territory. This act alone is cultivating an intimacy that belongs only in marriage. Unfortunately, such intimacy is very challenging to dissolve after a dating relationships ends. After all, even the act of sleeping by itself (a place of extreme vulnerability) can foster a premature sense of trust in a person (that otherwise wouldn’t be granted until the relationship presents itself as ready).
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 ESV
“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Romans 13:14 ESV
It would be extremely prudent on your part to avoid this behavior, both to guard your own heart and to protect your witness to other believers. By maintaining strong physical boundaries in relationships, you are allowing no room for presumptuous thoughts to manifest concerning your purity. We are called to be a light to the world, and to walk in a place of purity.
“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13 ESV
Secondly, until marriage it would also be very wise to avoid engaging in any sexual act that leads to orgasm. This can include manual stimulation, oral sex, or anything else that could produce intense sexual pleasure. This type of enjoyment should be shared between a husband and wife alone. Here’s why: in marriage God receives the glory through the formation of a deep, intimate bond between husband and wife (intended to strengthen the marital union).
In marriage, sexual activity is performed without fear of future rejection, trepidation, abandonment, and/or shame. When done on His terms, all sexual activities will bring incredible enjoyment that is rich in genuine love and pleasing to God. The marriage bed is lavished with peace and joy, rather than shame and condemnation. It’s your choice to make, beloved. My hope is that you make the right one through the grace of Jesus Christ.
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21 ESV
“Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.” Psalm 119:37 ESV
Join me tomorrow as we discuss the issue of sexual purity when living as a single person. To God be the glory!
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