Daily Archives: May 12, 2014

A Man Can't Read a Woman's Mind

While writing this post today, I could not keep from smiling because I knew the title alone would grab the attention of several women (including myself) and perhaps men that are longing to be better helpmates. Of course, I do not have the perfect formula for this. But I can tell you that God has given me several points of wisdom that have improved the relationship between Keith and me (including continuous courtship, both before and after marriage).

If there is anyone that I trust with my marriage, it is Jesus. After all, He is the Creator of all relationships.

Most of us would agree that men and women are obviously very different. Men and women generally have different qualities that reflect distinct aspects of the nature of God, in whose image we are all created. But that is something to be celebrated, because both sexes can truly learn a lot from one another (and the Creator Himself). As a wife, these differences have have allowed be to grow in what to expect from Keith when I’m feeling low, and how to respond to him when things are a little off in his world.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

As a women, I can say that we females possess an incredible innate ability to console our friends in time of need. We know exactly when something is bothering them, and often times we can pinpoint the problem with exact precision. Women in particular are well versed in how to minister to other women. On the other hand, men aren’t generally going to press in and continue probing to see if something truly is wrong. As soon as we say “I’m fine, nothing is wrong“, they drop the issue. They’re simply respecting our answer, which for them is a positive.

“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37

Even though most men truly want to meet the needs of their women, they just simply don’t know how to on their own. As women, we must learn to communicate our needs clearly in absolute respect and gentle kindness. This is only fair since men cannot read our minds, which is actually an unrealistic (and unloving) expectation for us to have. With such an expectation, we might as well be waiting for our husbands to breast feed our children – it’s an impossible and unrealistic notion.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

Here are a few specific points the Lord has taught me concerning this communication gap:

1. As a wife, if you see there is something that your husband hasn’t completed yet (perhaps something you want done in the house) or seems to be avoiding, try these steps:

First, go to the Lord and make sure you do not sin. In times like this, we can easily sin in our anger or come across as belittling and disrespectful, which accomplishes nothing more than strife.

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Secondly, give your husband the benefit of the doubt and extend grace. You two are different, so what you interpret as urgent and important may not have been viewed in the same way by him.

Thirdly, rebuke and renounce any lie that he doesn’t love you or care about what’s important to you (or else this task would be done already). This is just silly and an easy way of creating division.

Lastly, in love tell your husband that you appreciate all he does for you and your family, and let him know that you’ve noticed that this task hasn’t been completed and ask if he would he be willing to do it for you before the end of the day (or week, or month, etc.).

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If you follow these steps (or something similar to them) instead of expecting him to discern your thoughts (or your attitude/behavior towards him), the outcome will surely be more positive and you will both have an opportunity to grow in communication.

2. If you (like most women – including myself) want to be romanced, simply tell him. As a wife that is truly enthralled with her hubby, I can tell you that I do this on a continuous basis. In the end he feels like a champ and I feel pursued, and there are no hurt feelings. I know, I know…as women we want him to read our minds; we feel that he should “know” when we want flowers or to be taken out on a nice date. But he’s not always going to do that, and as you continue down your road of marriage, you may find this happening less frequently. Yet, it’s not that he loves you less; in fact, he’s probably growing deeper in love with you. In order to keep me happy and to keep him from guessing (which is mentally draining for a guy), I just tell him.

Here’s a simple example: “Hey Keith, I would really love for you to surprise me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers within the next couple of weeks. That would make me feel really loved by you babe.

And guess what? Day 3 or 4 rolls around and my handsome hubby greets me at the end of the day holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. At that point, being romanced isn’t even on my mind (rather what I’m cooking for dinner), and I’m surprised and moved by the act. It works, just try it!

Join me tomorrow as we discuss how a submissive wife cultivates an excellent marriage.

Please leave your comments below. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to reach me HERE

And as always, thank you for choosing His Daily Dose!

Photo provided by marriagegems.com

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